A Glimpse of My Weakness

Assalamualaikum wbkt and super anneyong! Hari ni keluhan aku sangat panjang.
Malam tadi masa rawatan, Alhamdulillah tak memalukan sangat. Takde case terbukak tudung, menjerit macam polong lalala. Aku bersyukur sangat maruah aku tak tercalar kat depan ramaii gilaa orang malam tadi. But, last night omg omg. Hah amik kau sedebik, teman tapi mesra si dia datang ke zikir. Well its normal lah kan but benda jadi tak normal bila si dia yang dah beberapa hari tak contact aku tanpa sebarang alasan boleh contact dengan minah tu. Well super well well well, ternampak dia otp masa aku sampai tu, ofcoz lah nak bg minah tu direction rumah dia. Aku suruh sampaikan pesan ibu kat abah dia pun dia tak mampu sampaikan sebab sibuk. Malapetaka apakah ini. Thankyou fakyu.
Malam tadi juga aku terperasan kehadiran aku di madrasah tidak disenangi and tak dialu-alukan. Mungkin sebab personaliti aku yang tak pandai mencari topik perbualan or nampak sombong. Ohmann, aku rasa aku dah agak mula keluar from dunia aku sejak pergi sana setiap hari rabu walaupun rasa diri ini agak fake. Sebab entahlah. Tapi seriously lah aku tak sangka aku jadi the most unwanted person kat situ. Hey, do I care ? And seperti biasa aku akan larikan diri, malas dah nak pergi sana. Iya, aku insecure, aku ada low self-esteem.
Jujur aku sedih doe. Anyway, instead of sad stories last night, ada satu story yang cococomel. Macam biasa rawatan tu kena mandi and Pakcik Zul the only one yang boleh handle aku hikhok. Si dia as usual stand behind me, looking over me puihh jangan harap hahaha. But he suddenly insists to help Pakcik Zul. Lalalala~ Mood tadi nak tampar dia jadi mood lobely pulakk. Haktuih gila aku ni. Aku pon rasa calm and tersenyum je hahahaha.
Dah habis mandi, dai berdiri kat depan aku. Seperti biasa lagi kitorang buat-buat tak kenal. Tu lah aku gatal nak cari ustaz hahaha. Aku tengok dia and believe what dia tengok balik. He's very egoistic person so bila dia pandang je pon dah melting haha. Then dia cakap amende entah kind of perli lah. Then I said "menyampah" because when he looking me, I'm stuttered and ayat berterabur haha. This is why no matter how I'm trying to forget him, I'll never succeed. Lepas tukar baju everything, lalu lagi dekat dia. Dia tengah mandi kan orang lain so dia baca ayat al-Quran lah kan. Aku pandang dia lagi haha. Sekali seminggu je boleh buat macam tu wehh. And dia pon pandang jugak, woi awak, awak kan tengah mengubat orang. Astaghfirullah. Hihi, then aku tak mampu nak senyum sebab masih marah kat dia, so aku jeling. And arrrrr tergelincir pula. Hei, lantai madrasah tu licin tahu tak! Haha malu je.
Tapikan yang pahit tu lebih banyak daripada yang manis nya hmmmm. Aku pun dah malas hadap ustaz tu even tiap kali nak marah, melting. Haishh, seriously penat. Aku nak life yang normal, tak payah pergi madrasah tu setiap hari rabu. Kalau dulu aku sanggup datang walaupun exam, now tidak lagi. Aku harap sangat next year everything will gonna be like how it used to be. I don't have to hurting myself more and more. Its fucking me.
For Ustaz Mohammad _____ ________ Al-Hafiz, I knw we have nothing -zero-relation- because awak ustaz and I'm someone who try to change for good. Maybe your long time alone merantau masa belajar makes you little excited berkawan huhahuha dengan semua orang. But tolong tolonglah jaga batas, awak pon tahu saya stalk fb awak kan. Takkan saya yang hina ni kena cakap macamni kat awak. Honestly, awak tak patut text saya on that October night just to ask why I always looking at you. One more, I know that you always sleep late dengan pertambahan student kat madrasah but why you never contact me, Neglect me like you donno me at all. Sayang sayang, its time to say goodbye ah. Aku dah fed-up and dah tak percaya kau. Byebye. Assalamualaikum.
With love, RARA
#pray for our relatives at Gaza

Share |

Hey my Ustaz.

22:32

Assalamualaikum. Lamanya blog ni kematian. Haha Hoping everyone were in a good condition live a well life.
Got a new story. At last, I found someone. Ohyeah, totally someone. A person who ready to guide me and love me more than as a friend. He's an ustaz. Haha, cerita nak gempak je lah pungg. He's the kind of person who will always lectures me e-v-e-r-y-t-i-m-e I make a mistake.
When I remember the past 6 month, I will always waiting for a beautiful Wednesday. With all the homework I need to do that night, I'm still come to your madrasah so that I'll able to see you. We so far but then so close. When your eyes meet mine. Both of us pretending not to see. I'm bored there till I can die and its almost 1.30 a.m everytime I walk out from your madrasah. The only thing that I can do is watching you and record you beautiful voice reading the Quran verses.
I thought that I'm invisible to you, you'll never see me. Being your crush is a great feeling. You came to my home one night, fuckingly I'm sleeping. Arghh, *hentak kaki gajah*. For all the time in my life, I wishing that at least you know my existence. Sebab hujan ribut petir aku tetap datang madrasah for zikir every week tahu takk!
One day, I don't expect you would text me. HAHAHA. I'm so glad so glad. Just no wonder your sister acting weird to me. Well, ku sangkakan panas hingga ke petang, rupanya hujan di tengahari. He told me that he feel unpleased with my reflection. Who cares lalala~
Thanks for acknowledge me as someone important in your life. I am so happy even though you always busy and can't make time for me. Yelah, aku pon faham. Kau kena panggil sini, kena panggil sana. I'm proud of you lah awak. Thanks for ajar saya mengaji balik. Thanks for everything. Thanks for a weird awkward relationship puahaha and stand as a friend.
I like everything about you but I will never able to tell you. I hope Allah S.WT will preserve our friend-relation. Again, friend-relation. Haha. I'm totally not beautiful, i'm not a good person. Paling mudah saya bukan ustazah. I'm a school student. I can't wait to grow up haha.
Assalamualaikum and byebyee.
With love, Rara

Share |

Pages

Keazaman

Life is tough

Hey my Ustaz.

About me

My YouTube Playlist

Quote of the week

Advertise

Labels

recent posts

Blog Archive

Popular Posts

Follow me on Instagram

SeraiMas