Nak senyum lebar-lebar boleh? Nak senyummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm je banyak-banyak.

:')

Dari dulu aku berpegang pada prinsip; love someone with the way he/she wanted/needed.

It is a side of a friend yang aku jarang tengok, kerna aku bukanlah sesiapa. Malahan, dia bukanlah seperti yang dulu denganku huuuuuuu.

Yang lepas tu, aku simpan sebagai kenangan yang paling merepek dan antara koleksi yang indah-indah dan sekali seumur hidup. Aku harap kau pun sama.


Aku pun bahagia dengan hidup aku sekarang.

Hi there.

I hope you are doing fine, wherever you are.

It's hard. It's unfair when you told me that I'm not giving you attention. It's not fair when you said that I macam tak kisah pasal you. My life are all revolving around you. Nak buat semua benda mesti dengan awak, bercerita at the end of the day dengan awak. If only you know that. I'm a clingy girlfriend, a spoil brat. I used to spam your whatsapp like there is no tomorrow. Tapi, i hate when you ignored it all and tiba-tiba "Salam". I looked stupid. You look matured.

But then, I told myself "hey dia kerjalah, dia penat tu jangan semakkan dia". So I stopped hovering over you macam budak kecik. Tried to be at your tahap 'serious and not to play around'.

I'm tired to explain. To force myself to communicate every time we have problem. I love to keep silent. Bila you marah, i will say something like "okay", "im sorry, i love you", "dah la tuh". Memanglah its not that easy to lepaskan org buat salah camtu je. Em yelah, betul lah tu.

If its not you, i dah mencarut dah bila marah-marah as i pun senang marah jugak.

Just the difference is, I am afraid of you. Just like how I am afraid of my father.

Right now I feel bad. I thought I've loved you hard enough but I guess I'm so wrong. You don't see my love. I did exactly nothing in my life for you. I feel horrible. I feel that I'm not enough. I got so many things to say but I don't think that I can save a relationship by defending myself.


I make some distance for me to hide from the painful truth.
I'm just not good for you.



.

I believe there will be a rainbow on the other side & I just need to keep it up and move forward, just like how I always do.

I am getting 21, does it looks like a routine? :')

The painful night had passed and I just want be fine for one more time.



& I surely will.

I want to make this entry extraaaaaa long.

But

I'm just happy, I'm happy to know you

Most of the time, kalau ada isu yang menarik and selalunya benda yang complicated macam random art ni I always terfikir "nanti tanya dialah", "cuba ckp dgn dia nanti". HAHAHA ITS FREAKING CREEPY TAPI ENTAHLAH KENAPA.

Just thanks my fairygodfather, always my lifesaver. When times are hard, you always there yes although you kuat mencarut lol haha.

It sad sebab you nak grad dah but its fine. I hope you happy kat luar sana. Just be happy, you deserve it. Its pretty alhamdulillah sebab I tak kenal you masa you tengah bersedih dulu hahaha. I just can't. It hurts me somehow.

Thank you bro. I owe you a lot. Semoga Allah membalas kebaikan you.

You know
There will be a point in your life
Where you are just tired hoping, waiting, caring, expecting, planning

"I don't really wanna care and I just want to live my life in my way"

There is so many words, language and song lyrics
I still can't relay the message that I would like to convey
Its not anyone fault
It just
Tasteless, bland;

That I just swayed the feeling
Most of the time

That is - an ignorant me
How i teach myself not to care
But i end up pretending to be so nice

Actually, deep inside
I felt nothing

Basically its my act of courtesy
Maybe

I guess I am not good enough to sum things and write up
I just write fantasies and nightmares
To feel alive

I hate love story