We gonna be fine
20:21
I don't where to start because I am here writing the ending, the ending chapter. But I guess I need to manipulate my mind lol, maybe this is a start of something new. Well, that sounds much better.
Today is really something for me, my atuk are no longer here with us and I believe he is now at a better place where there is no pain anymore. We had such a great memories together since I am the eldest cucu and I stayed as the only cucu for quite a long time. I was a princess back then hahaha. Setiap kali balik kampung, when he was well and doing good his common question was; berapa A, dapat nombor berapa dalam kelas, dah khatam Quran ke belum/ I suppose to khatam every year. Lol masa sekolah dulu mengaji satu muka je sehari, ish ish :'). Then he alwayssssssssssss want me to sambung in sekolah menengah agama. What did I say? "Atuk, kaklong kat sekolah agama tu kelas last sekali kot, mana boleh pergi sekolah men agama". Hahah mira miraaa. But its true tho, bahasa Arab tu kalau tak fail memang tak sah huhu.
He was a bit garang sometimes but reti je make jokes haha. He pampered me a lot lah actually haha, selalu bagi jajan free. Kat rumah opah tu, atuk jual aiskrim pop, ada apollo, ada candies. My mom always pesan jangan ambik sesuka hati hahaha but I always get free because I'm a big fan of apollo warna kuning yang ada bintik-bintik tu haha. He's been sick/not really well for few years, he was very strong untuk bertahan. I'm glad that he now can rest properly. You will always be in my doa. Always.
I tried to hold things in, looking fine all the times but deep inside there is 'ralat-feeling' in my heart. I couldn't be there, I did not have the chance utk berbakti pada masa-masa terakhir dia. Two days ago, I just talked to ibu thru whatsapp and I was hoping utk sempat jaga atuk since my plan was to straight balik kampung next week and help maksu. Little did I know, things happen to soon and em yelah rasa macam ei geram pun ada haha why la paper habis lambat. So in the end, I salahkan paper final instead of myself ah yelah mira.
And todaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, Aiman left hahaha. Like penambah perisa yes haha. And soon, very soon Alex pulak :') toldya I'm a crybaby. Its gonna be so hard for them (the one who leaving) and the one yang kena tinggal haha. It reminds me during my matriks time, I was sooooooooo rapat with my roommates, we did everything together and 2 of them left KMJ for good. I was crying ssssssssssooooo freaking bad with Hajar hahhaha. Bengkak-bengkak mata. I don't remember how we managed to lalui semua tu hmmm. I need that kind of strength for one more time.
Now I understand, this kind of things..... One you understand the mechanism, you accept that changes will always happen in your life, its either you want it or not, its maybe something that is too mendadak and happen unexpectedly, you are actually allowing yourself to grow up. Always, its the pain that comes together with growing up.
I hope that I'm prepared.
xoxo. Ok nak sambung study, trying to get the mood :o
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