Assalamualaikum.

Hari yang kosong dan suram dan plain dan panas. Dan aku pun membiarkan kekosongan itu tak terisi, otak pun malas bekerja hari ini. Takpelah, biarlah dia berehat hahaha.

Sangatlah tidak produktif aaa tahniah lah. Lemau sungguh rasanya, sesungguhnya once Alex pulang ke pangkuan akan aku paksa beliau utk memaksaku bersukan BERSAMA-SAMA. Harap maklum, i need that :(

A little throwback from yesterday's journey. FUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. That is what i feel when i am now arrived utm hahaha. Still, Alex's place are sooooo nice, yelah ejek hutan belantara dan sebagainya pun i can't deny its a really nice town. But still, jalan ke sana sucks do hahahaha because i'm alone. That's it. If i'm with a friend rasanya excited kot. But i drive lagilah sucks semalam one of the reason why i takut sebenarnya. Nyaris nak kena langgar masa potong lori aaaaaaah seriously i won't potong lori anymore! Hateyou lori! XD

When I reached Alex's house I was like omg besarnya, omg where to park sebab jalan dia mcm tak nice bila kereta aku park sebijik kat tepi jalan. I'm afraid to be look as 'too obvious' hahahaha so i pusing and park kat depan jugak lah but membelakangi the house. Then i sense some motion inside the gate so i slowwwwwwwwly drive forward and parked a little bit far for lama jugaklah. Firasat aku betul, someone went out from the house, I was like omg nasib baik nasib baik nasib baik hahha. Told you I'm a scared-y cat.

Then everything is great. Tanak cerita because its just for me lalala. Ok i kinda forgot what story to tell ummmmmmmmm.

Yezza! Oso yesterday I got i-dont-want-to-go-back-without-you-syndrome. Kesian Alex. I don't know why I rasa tak berdaya gila semalam plus i never drive that looong alooonee without tidur dulu. So macam rasa lesu and memang kalau boleh i just wanna call uber hahaha. Nasib baik ada kebijaksanaan lagi haha.

But I honestly feel so weird. I mean hey amirah before this you memang always alone, pergi mana-mana sorang, merayau malam-malam sorang, tengok laut sorang, makan aiskrim sorang, you did MOST (apprx ALL) alone. Being left and terpaksa buat benda semua sendiri. Why are you being so helpless? Kenapa ni haha i literally naik angin with myself last night. Now, being alone is a strange thing for me, a strange feeling. I'm awkward when I'm alone. Yelah now still love hanging out with myself but sangat kurang. I love talking to ibu, i love talking to alex, i love talking to my classmates, i love talking to my ngs.

Dulu kalau cuti, i will be the last person yang balik rumah and the earliest person yang balik utm. Now not anymore. Is it a good thing? There is some fight in my kepala otak right now.

I really need to "record" this moment in my blog as it may be a turning point for me lol. I'm afraid I forgot all the changes through the years living my life because at the moment I believe it just too precious.

I am so bersyukur that I didn't live in that pathetic live anymore. I took the depression test agaaaaaain and i believe my depression dah berkurang at a so-so level. I honestly feel better with myself right now, I am comfortable an tak rasa macam fake it around. I cried a lot also, that is so weird of me. Even nampak view cantik pun i can cry macam hape entah. I knew myself even before sangat cepat triggered nak nangis but I have my own pride and ego so i usually ignored my cepat-tersentuh-sense -lol. But now, I am a rebel to my own self. I want to fight all the pride that makes me hide what kind of person I am. I want to show myself that it isn't bad by being myself and loving my nature character. Just that, only with Alex my true rainbow berani keluar. I bet dia mesti penat seeing air memancut from my eyes hahaha I wonder......

ummmm