These days,
I think a lot.

I'm tracing my life back then, looking for reasons, tons of reasons.
Of the shadow that grew with me until these days.

Then I started to slowly reveals part of history that I don't really want to remember. A part of me that I don't want to acknowledge as mine. It was me, no matter what happen. It was still me. Time passes but you is always you.

When I was in primary school, everything was bitter. Stupid rumors, I had to continuously lied, I was being bullied. Everyday is tiring, exhausting.

Every night, I went to sleep hoping that I don't exist in the world. Hoping that my soul did not bounded to this body. It felt so bad, I felt so sick, I felt like I wanna run away from my life at the age of 11.

Me being here maybe continuation of anger, hatred and frustrated. I want to do things that I want to, but it just simply my mindless wish.

I still remember what they did to me, every single thing. The memories are still there.

And its still hurts.
I remember, I wish at the end of the day someone would look at me, pat my head and told me that I did well that day.

The discrimination are really deadly serious. I'm just thankful that I don't run from house lol. I'm thankful for Allah for saving me until this day.

I have a worst childhood life. I wish its just bad dream. & now they telling me that I'm cold?
LITTLE DID I CARE.

In my future life, I will do things that I love. I will believe my heart once more, I will talk more, I will go further. I will watch tv a lot well, I started to watched tv these days and I feel good.

I will stop wishing. I will make it reality. Even though the worlds are against it, as long as I believe to myself.